The Creative Struggle

Sometimes I want to get everything out that is inside of me
and it just doesn't come out right
I carry around such fullness of emotion, thoughts, dreams,
and I just need to release the pressure
Sometimes it just pours out in colourful, beautiful words
other times, it just spits out in ideas and thoughts that are "chunky" and "ugly"
there is no flow
today is one of those days
I wish I had hours to work on it, try to get it going, get it out, - it's half in and half out this semi-created cluster of randomness
it's awkward, uncomfortable - there's so much to process, -
I'm resigned to letting it go for now
there's so many interruptions at the moment,
endless phone calls, visits at the door, pressures of time, "to do" lists
the artist in me wants to shatter all this and just create
and it's just not working right - nothing is coming together well
so the mumble jumble, eclectic ramblings and painful expressions are all that
I can bring out at this point
what a struggle - what a fight
and yet it has to be released so there is room to create more
so the cycle continues