The Risk in Being Real

I sometimes struggle as to what I should write in my blog.

There's a certain risk and vulnerability in sharing your heart publicly. Often times, the feelings and emotions pass and I wonder why I shared what I did.

Then there is the pressure of accountability. Once you bear your soul and it's desires, someone can hold you to what you've said you'd like to do or be. Perhaps thats not so bad after all, a part of growth it seems.

However, as I am open to being transformed bit by bit by God's gentle way with me, I am less judgemental on myself. Too often I have said something or done something only to be sabotaged by own thoughts passing harsh criticism on me.

How silly it seems that the most wounding comes from within our selves.

God never meant us to be like that. His plan for us was to reflect His image and His glory.

I am gaining ground on this battlefield and changing my thought patterns and walking away from second guessing everything I do. I never win at that game. It's destructive and sinful. What I am experiencing instead, is freedom, real freedom to be who God created me to be.

I'm all through with wishing I were "this" or "that" . I will seek to improve myself in every area I possibly can, but there are some things that are "just me" and I've come to terms with "me".

Saying all of that, I still have my moments when I slip into puddles of insecurity and self-condemnation, but rather than stay there and become stagnant, I choose to pull myself out, to keep on keeping on.

There is a call on my life as there is for every creature on the face of this earth and more than ever I want to live out this call passionately.

This includes becoming a better wife to my husband. Learning to know him better, seeking to understand him more, caring and loving him more deeply. As good as it is (and it's pretty good!) I believe it can get better and richer and that's what I want to be passionate about.

I also want to be passionate about investing in others.

The image that comes to my mind is that of a child on a tricycle unable to manoevre the pedals to move forward. Just a gentle shove from behind is all that is needed to give enough momentum for them to take off and then look at them go! Sometimes, they are not even aware that anyone has pushed them, they really believe they've done it themselves. I would love to be the one that pushes people forward.

Perhaps I am being naive about what it takes to become this child of God. I am probably not aware of the cost, the risk, the sacrifice, not only for me, but my close loved ones. But I may never have this window of opportunity again and with all my heart I want to serve my Lord.

My prayer is that I may be fit for the task, worthy of the calling, a vessel of honour, an image bearer of His glory. A child of His that brings Him delight.

Lord, let it be so.