My Loved Ones

My husband came home yesterday after being in England two weeks with a dear friend who lead a worship conference.

We sat in the dining room across the table from each other while my oldest daughter Jodi was playing the piano softly in the background.

As often happens when she plays, I am suddenly ushered into this place that my soul remembers. A place of connecting with the spirit residing in me and I am moved emotionally.

She is not aware of this. My husband is not aware of this. He is visually impaired and can't see the tears slowly slip out from my eyes. I look at him and listen carefully, asking questions to keep the conversation going. Still he has no idea I am crying.

There are times I do not want him to know and I cry silently, hiding any other signs that may give my emotional state away.

Then there are times I want him to know, like tonight. So I reach across the table, take his hand and bring his finger to the wet mark on my cheek and he realizes then what's going on.

Other times, I will take the tear from my cheek and touch his lips with it so he can taste my emotions.

Tonight, it was important for me to let him know how I felt. I missed him when he was away. And I was glad he was home. I wanted him to know that.

My husband Paul, is like bookends for me which hold and support me and everything I do. He is my best friend, my lover, my greatest supporter, my provider while I live on this earth. He encourages me to step out and try new things and helps me when I feel I've made the wrong decision.

He is there through every emotional upset I go through...and there have been many. And he never complains...he knows this is just who I am.

He is the father to my three amazing children and I love to see the ways they are simliar in personality to him as they grow older. Each of them has a unique piece of his identity which has already in some ways, determined a path they may choose.

He is the one of the few people I know who has an amazing friendship with God. They enjoy each others company. Laugh together, cry together.

My husband loves to pray.

About 20 years ago, I made him a prayer gown out of heavy polar fleece with a hood to keep his head warm. So many nights, he would put it on and turn the lights off in the living room after the kids had gone to bed and walk back and forth across the floor praying about something on his heart.

When Bill was very young he would go fetch his father's prayer gown and curl up in it on the couch and go off to sleep. We would often place it over him when he was ill. It has become and will always be, a garment with so much meaning and attachment to the children.

Paul often times would tell Bill that he was "his son in whom he was well pleased". Bill grew up knowing he had a blessing from his dad. And he would speak into the girls lives in ways that specifically spoke life into them also.

I'm fondly remembering the "good times" we have had. The difficult times were there too, but somehow, we managed to survive them, grow in understanding from them and focused on the positive.

When I said goodbye to my daughter Sandy at the airport the other day in Halifax, God gave me a gift. He is so gracious to me and knows just what I need to trust Him.

I stepped back from rushing in to "rescue" Sandy and look after her and what I saw was Jodi rising to the occasion, caring for every last detail and preparation to go off to Germany. Jodi is actually the one who encouraged her to venture on this YWAM mission. And then I noticed Bill coming along side her, running at the last minute to get something she forgot, seeing to it that she was all set to go. And I just watched and marveled at God's provision for Sandy.

God seemed to be saying to me that my time of caring for her is really over in a lot of ways. Jodi and Bill are there to make sure she will be ok and she will connect with new friends in Germany that will in their own way, care for her.

I needed to see this. It's all part of God calling me out for himself. He has been telling me to put down the gardening gloves, set the dust cloth aside and come sit at His feet and learn from Him.

"I want you Robyn. I want you to extend your influence beyond your family, into the community and into the world.Come on an adventure with me. Take my hand and I will show you things that will break your heart, enlarge your heart and increase your faith. There is much I wish to show you. Trust me. And in the same way I care for Sandy, I will care for Paul. Trust me."

How can I refuse such an invitation? He, after all, has created this desire within me to follow Him. It only seems natural that I would wholeheartedly respond.

This journey for a short time, means leaving behind those I love and care about the most and going it "on my own". A hard thing to do for someone like me.

But I know it will change me and deepen my relationship with God. It's time to follow Him.

I'm ready to follow Him.