Letting Go

Today I sat with a woman that I had never met before and within a few minutes she let me hear her heart speak.

She shared with me the difficulty in saying goodbye to her youngest daughter who was staying in the community to attend university. As her deepfelt emotions exposed themselves by tears falling down her cheeks, I felt moved within my own heart.

I have gone through a similar experience with all three of my children, saying good-bye to them as they go off to university, head out west to a land of great opportunity or to head to New Zealand to attend a YWAM mission team.

Nothing quite prepares you for those moments. As a mom, and strong nurturing type, the apron strings were tied tightly to my kids. After so many years of caring and watching out for them, how could I ever live my life not having them around?

Yet it's an essential part of growing up for them and for those of us as parents too.

It's like watching them cross the street by themselves and choose not to use the crosswalk, but dart in and out of cars speeding by to make it to the other side. For a few years, kids really do think they are invincible.

The sadness I felt from my new friend was like precious ointment being spilled out. It spoke of the extravagent love a mother and daughter had for each other. The tears seemed to spill out of a reservoir very deep within.

There were obvious hurts and pain in the past. This "departing" seemed to be so painful.

It made me think of good friends that move away from each other.

Someone new would have to come along and try to fill the gap. How does a mom "fill the gap"? I don't know.

All I could do is reassure this mom that I would look out for her daughter, keep an eye on her, like she would herself. That promise seemed to stop the tears momentarily.

I find myself in a similar place this month as I say goodbye to my middle child, my second daughter, who is heading off to YWAM in Germany for six months. She will be gone over Christmas which will be very difficult for us all.

We have never been apart from each other for that length of time before. The longest was 2 months. I know that I have pushed the event deep down in my subconscious in order not to deal with it until the time comes. But I am fearful of saying goodbye to her.

I'm afraid of the pain that I will feel. It will be intense. It will render me emotionally bankrupt for several days. I will have trouble sleeping at nights and my mind will be conjuring up scenarios that will never happen.

I will forget the God of my youth, the One I trusted in so solidly. I may in fact react with anger towards Him for "taking her away". My thoughts will be scattered and inaccurate. I will find no solace in scripture. My husbands consoling words will mean nothing when he speaks them.

Yet, in time, I will yield to the patient bidding of his spirit and will trust in Him again. I will believe the words He spoke to me in the wee hours of the morning as I was coming out of a deep sleep, "she is MINE, and I WILL CARE FOR HER".

The message was clear as a bell, there was no denying that God had spoken clearly to me. So I will trust this God whom I've committed my life to and I will believe that He will protect and care for her.

How could I ever hold her back from experiencing all God has for her? She has chosen a path that will deepen and strengthen her walk with the Lord.

Letting go is life giving.