Tuesday, April 20, 2010

I Just Wish....

There are times that I wish I could take away the pain that my friends experience.

I have several close friends that are experiencing difficult health problems, some financial problems, some relational problems, some "God" problems.

There's a part in me that weeps for them all.

I just wish I could fix their problems and make the pain go away.

I wish I could say the right things to them that would make everything better.

I wish I could hold them.

But here I am, unable to do any of these.

The only thing I am capable of is getting down on my knees, bowing my head and coming before the Heavenly Father
on their behalf.

It seems so small, this gift that I offer them, but it is all I have, all I can do.

And so, I will do it, faithfully, diligently, lovingly,...
Until the One to whom I pray, grants my request.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


This evening was a beautiful evening to sit out on the front porch. A bit cool, but I wrapped myself in the warmth of a blanket and my husband grabbed his fleece prayer gown (the long hooded garment I made for him 15 years ago) and then we were all set. A wonderful way to end a late supper. Just the two of us and the night sky.

The darkness had not quite covered the sky - there were still remnants of dim light and silhouettes of buildings and people walking by.

We laughed out loud - at a phone conversation that was happening. Oh to be so free to laugh carelessly ...and reminisce - what a gift.

I recalled a moment about 40 years ago when I still lived at home with my parents. Oddly enough, it was looking out at the same sky from my upstairs bedroom window in Ontario, wondering who I would fall in love with, where I would end up, what I would do, praying and asking God to please let it happen quickly...I seemed so much in a hurry to live life back then.

And 40 years later, here I am. Sitting on my front porch with a man I deeply love...looking out at that same night sky and the street lights wondering what life will be like 10 years from now, maybe 15 years... maybe just 5 years from now. Realizing as I sit wrapped up tightly in my blanket, how fast life actually goes by. Now, I want life to slow down,... last longer...I don't want it to end or move so fast.

Realizing also, ... there is not much time left. Who knows? Well, of course, God does. I don't for sure. Yet, I must live as if life goes on and on. And it does. This life as we know it on earth, is only a small portion of what God has in store for us. There is so much more. Life eternal. Beyond "here". Beyond what we now feel, know, enjoy, participate in and treasure.

Yes, there is more. And that is Heaven. Heaven goes on and on. Heaven is what we experience that is "more" than "here". Heaven is complete. Ultimate. Extreme. Delightful. Engaging. Full. Forever.

I long for Heaven. But not now. Not for awhile. I want to live life to the fullest - experience more joy than ever before, laugh till it hurts with friends, cry when necessary, embrace tightly and say "I love you" so much that it becomes my signature phrase... I want to encourage, build up and launch others into their destiny, and support them in prayer and love along the way. I want to live generously - give generously, love generously .... spare nothing when it comes to expressing my love - I want to deepen my knowledge and understanding of this God that will not let me go... I need to know Him more fully and follow Him more carefully.

Big dreams. Big hopes. Deep prayers. Much to think about. But for tonight, I think only of the moment I have, right now, on my front porch, with laughter and love accompanying me.

This is all that matters.

Monday, April 5, 2010

The Gift

Silently, quietly
she carried the gift
deep within
tucked away in a safe place
few would find it there
few would even notice
but there it would remain
until such a time
and in such a place,
it's presence would be needed.
Until then
it remained guarded
and safe,
kept and treasured

The gift came to her
by way of The Creator
few were handed out
few were selected
to hold and keep such
a gift
She often wondered
why she was one of
those selected
but over time
the wondering subsided
and she just knew
things were as they
were meant to be
So she waited
and nurtured the gift

Time passed
and the day came
when she was
to release and
expose the gift
that had been
hidden and kept
safe for such
a long time

The gift,
was a precious parcel,
a pearl of hope,
meant to be shared
with those who had more
need of it than her
So she gave it away
and soon found that
in its place, another
pearl appeared
so she gave it away also
and again, in the giving of the gift,
she continued to receive another
in its place
A pearl of hope always filled
the vacant place.
In the giving,
she received the very
gift she kept safe
the very gift she needed
the very gift she offered
to do without -
kept returning
to her

The Wise Creator
knew from the very beginning
this gift would bless the bearer
and bless those to whom it
was given.
His promise to supply
all her needs
was fulfilled every time
she gave the gift away.


I managed to somehow put my back out several days ago, the second injury of this sort in the last few months. The first day it happened, I could barely walk; bending down was out of the question and if I were to lay down, then getting up required the aid of a loved one to carefully and slowly pull me into positions because of the pinching pain I was experiencing.

One would think the second time around one would be used to the necessity of enlisting help. No. Not me. In fact, this time my injury occurred on a busy Easter weekend with the expectations of a big dinner and outings and everything else that goes with the celebration.

I am not very good at delegating. I confess. I am so used to doing it all and quite quickly, I may add, on my own. Is this a hint of "pride" raising it's ugly head?? Perhaps, and most likely. I've seen it modeled over and over again in my family of origin. I come from a strong family line of hard working folk that physically pushed themselves to the limit to "get things done" and I am no different. Hard work for me has always been my default. I'm good at it. I'm organized and I can get the job done. I'm also strong. Well, I used to be.... I am middle aged now - 53 years old and I just don't bounce back like I used to. And, honestly,... I really do not want to abuse my body like that anymore. I'm trying to pace myself now. I'm finding freedom in sitting and visiting and going for walks and meditating and leaving the chores and the things that need to be done for other times. The urgency of tasks in the moment has lost it's impact. Age has naturally seen to that.

So, the physical restraint on my body is in a way, a good thing. I need to ask others to do things for me. I need to ask for their help in the simple tasks of just getting up and sitting down, moving here and going there. I need to be patient with the way they do things.... it will not be as I would do them, of course, but even that does not matter. I'm being forced to "rest". A good thing, I think.

The gift of the "moment". The life, love, joy, pain, - all of it in the moment, is part of the gift. How we embrace the moments placed before us is the true act of becoming wise.

My back will get better. I'll soon forget I had any limitations at all. Let's hope the lessons of the last few days remain forever a part of the "wiser me".