"Sleepless in St. Stephen"

I wasn't able to sleep much last night. This often happens to me, and more regularly of late. Mid-life, menopause, anxiety, too much caffiene, who knows. So in my restless moments, I try to take advantage of the hours and begin praying for my friends.

God gave me some pictures right away and then over time, it became more clear and I believe more accurate. At one point in the wee hours I was able to say, "yes, Lord, this is your heart for my friends...this is what you would have me share with them".

Then after dozing off for what seemed to be a short space of time, (how can one measure time and sleep - you can sleep for hours and feel like it's minutes or sleep for minutes and feel like it's been hours) God shared a beautiful picture with me about our relationship. I nudged my husband and told him I had to get up and blog, to get it written down.

He decided to get up with me, put on some coffee and join me on the second floor landing of our home to watch the sun come up. Our view is even more awesome now since we tore down the dilapitated house of ours next door.

I am discovering a relationship with my Lord in such a new and different way. My paradigm is changing on how I see and know God and how he relates to me. Let me share it with you.

I have discovered him as a friend.

In the picture he put in my thoughts, I am walking down the road beside my Lord. His arm is in mine. We are comfortable. Obviously, enjoying each others company. He turns to me and in a quizzical look, says to me, "Robyn, why are you carrying that heavy basket of items?" I respond, shrugging my shoulders and like a teenager who never seems to know why they are doing anything, say to him, "I don't know...I just want to, I guess."

He offers to take some of my load. He grabs "jealously", "lust", "unforgiveness", and "shame". The load is somewhat lighter and I notice that he doesn't even comment on what is in my basket. This is amazing to me. I want to almost remind him of what I was carrying. Did he not see how sinful the items were that I had? Was he not embarrassed by these things? I at least, expected some chastisement or correction, but it never happened.

We continue walking again for a bit, and then he stops all of a sudden - so naturally, I stop too. Now, I thought, I will get his rebuke. ( Why is this our pattern of default thinking? ) He looks at me again, and shakes his head and says, "Robyn, you are still carrying too much-it's weighing you down for our walk together. Here, give me some more."

So I do. This time I hand over to him, "anger", "hate", "fear", "self-pity". I'm again, embarrassed by what I'm carrying and for how long they've been in my basket. Then all of a sudden, like a good friend would do...he reaches over to me and says, "here, let me just take it all from you, then you will have no burdens at all".

(On a side note ...the sun just burst through the darkness and is a blaze of fire sending shock waves across the shadows of the night. Its' light is streaming out like arms of an octupus giving definition to trees and landscapes and buildings. It's glorious! Another new day to live and laugh and love and experience the new mercies of God. Wow!)

As the basket leaves my arms and settles into his, I feel lighter than I've ever felt before. The strain of the load I was carrying all these years had taken its' toll on me and I bore the injuries and scars of its' burdens. But life and strength was returning to my wounded parts. Energy was flowing through me. And being free, I was now able to use my arms to reach down and pull flowers towards me to smell their life giving fragrance. I could extend my arms in waves of motion and embrace the heat of the sun.

I could hardly believe my friend did this all for me. What good friend would not help the other? And do it without commentary on what that person was carrying? Why have I not trusted him as a friend before?...because... I never saw him as my friend before.

His friendship is such that he would lay down his life for me - and he did just that. Why do I think he cannot handle my sins? Is it pride that keeps me from sharing them with him? After all, he knows my thoughts before I even know them. He is not afraid of what I am carrying and frankly, I don't think he even cares. He just wants to get them out of my hands, take them over, relieve me of the burden, set me free, give me life, partner with me and do it all over again if I manage (and I will) to carry them again!

This concept of Christ as my friend,- my Saviour as my dearest friend, changes how I commune with him. It's much more relational, casual, honest and real. I'm not afraid to tell him anything. My life is laid bare before him. He knows everything there is to know about me. No secrets.

I've been blessed to have good friends and I love them dearly. I would sacrifice and give my life for them, because they mean so much to me. They deposit gifts, treasures and life within me. They call me forth when I want to stay in my safe place too long. And, it's all done in such a gentle and caring way.

Why would I expect anything less from my heavenly father as my friend?

I encourage you to imagine Christ as your dearest and most loving and intimate friend. Explore this new relationship with him and embrace new ways of journeying with him.